And Yet
by ProtegoNox
Summary: He almost died, poisoned on his birthday. She knew she should hate him, no matter what. He set out to break her heart. And yet... RHr


**A.N.:**_ My first attempt at RHr romance, set after Ron is poisoned on his birthday during HBP. A oneshot, dedicated to those who knew from the beginning.

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"Ron, you really are the most..."

Hermione sniffed, unable to finish her sentence. Ron was the most... what exactly? A few weeks ago, no, merely a few hours ago, he was the most selfish, the most vile, the most insensitive prat to have ever walked the halls of Hogwarts. Yet now, after almost losing him...

"I don't know. I don't know anymore. I should hate you, I know I should," she said, silent tears lazily streaking her cheeks. "But..."

In that 'but', she was putting her heart on the line again, and she knew it. The whole school was probably already laughing at her stupidity, but nothing she could do would stop her from hoping that perhaps just a tiny part of Ron loved her back.

She stood abruptly, pacing the tiny space next to the hospital bed where the youngest Weasley son slumbered after almost dying. Hermione felt a fresh batch of tears threatening to fall, but she held them back. 'Almost' was the key word in that past thought. He was here now, he was right there... if she simply reached out, she could have her hand on Ron's chest, feeling his steady heartbeat. She didn't dare touch him, afraid that she wouldn't be able to stop.

Hermione stopped pacing. "I almost lost you today. Are you aware of that?" She let out a profound sigh and resumed her pacing. "Probably, and I bet you enjoyed being the centre of attention, especially with _Lavender_ around," she said bitterly, but the name of her rival had been spat out with such venom, it scared even Hermione. She took a deep breath to calm herself.

Only Ron had that effect on her. He was the only one to push all the right buttons, he was the only one to be able to provoke her into a loud argument (although, if she was honest with herself, she enjoyed their spats). He was the only one to make her lose all rational thought. He was the only one for her.

Hermione sat next to him on the white hospital bed, which creaked indignantly at the extra weight. She grimaced, hoping Madam Pomfrey wouldn't come and check. In her haste to see Ron, she hadn't thought of borrowing Harry's Invisibility Cloak or the Marauder's Map. Even if she held a certain 'disapproval' for the latter object, it would have been quite useful. She sighed.

Ron let out a soft snore and she jumped up, startled. It wouldn't do for him to find her here, by his bed, when she had been so humiliated, so angry, so hurt, so against him a mere few hours ago. Her anger bubbled as her mind played scenes of the past few months, especially those starring Ron and _Lavender_. She began pacing again.

She had asked him to Slughorn's party! How dare he think she had done it lightly! She had stayed up night after night, tossing and turning, until it was clear to her that asking Ron as her more than friendly date for the event was the only solution, the best possible solution. To top it off, he had said yes!

What had happened for him to suddenly end up in _Lavender_'s arms? Had she done something wrong? She had stifled a sob as she watched them eat each other's faces off in the Gryffindor common room. She scrunched up her eyes, hoping to block the image from her mind. A slide show of images of them together flew past her tightly closed eyes to spite her and she cried softly to numb the pain. She sat on the chair and brought her knees to her chest as her salty tears fell.

"Hermione?"

She froze. _Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no..._

"Hermione, is that - is that really you?" Ron asked.

She opened her left eye to find him propped up on one elbow, eying her curiously.

"No, Ron, it's the Tooth Fairy," she snapped, angrily swiping away her tears. She bit her lip as Ron's face fell.

"Oh. In that case, I haven't lost any teeth recently, so you can just be on your way then," he said dejectedly, lying back down to stare at the ceiling. Taken off guard as she had been expecting him to yell at her, Hermione stood and slowly walked over to him.

"How... how are you feeling?" she asked timidly. He glanced at her but only shrugged.

"I've been better."

"Oh."

An awkward silence followed their short conversation.

"Why are you here, Hermione?" Ron asked softly.

"Well, I expect it was to make sure you were alright."

"Oh."

That same awkward silence filled the Hospital Wing again.

"Why did you think I was here?" she asked.

"Well, I expect it was to - in all honesty, I'm not sure."

"Why not?"

"Don't you hate me?"

His question lingered in the air while Hermione thought about the answer. She knew the answer, of course, but she debated as to whether or not she should tell him. She ought to tell him she hated him with all her might for what he did to her.

"No. No, Ron, I don't hate you," she whispered, looking down at her wringing hands. She wouldn't look at him. She didn't know what to expect.

"Oh."

"Oh is right," she laughed stiffly.

"Don't get me wrong, Hermione, I love the fact that you don't hate me. I'm just surprised you don't, after... after what I did to you," he said quietly, as though it pained him to bring up such a sensitive matter. She looked up only to find that he couldn't meet her eyes either. His gaze was fixed on that damn ceiling. _Look at me, Ron! I'm here, and I need you to look at me! Notice me!_

"I thought I did. I should, anyway. You set out to purposely hurt me. But..."

"What?" Ron said breathlessly.

"I can't."

"Can't what?"

"Hate you, Ron. Despite how much you hurt me, I still lo- like to think we're friends."

"Oh. Yeah, friends. Only the best, right, Hermione?" He smiled at Hermione awkwardly.

"Right." She smiled back and decided she should leave now, before she said something incriminating about how much she really did care for him. "I should probably get going."

"Yeah, you should, not that I don't enjoy your company."

"Goodnight, Ron."

She turned to leave, just as Ron reached out to place an urgent hand on her arm. She looked at him, surprised and curious.

"But... well..." he paused, as if searching for the right words, "maybe... maybe you could stay, just a little while longer?" He dropped his arm and began fiddling with the white linen sheets. "I've... I've missed you, Hermione."

Hermione turned around sharply to stare at him. He was looking down.

"It was your own choice, you know. I wasn't the one to decide to take up a relationship with _Lavender,_" she said disdainfully.

"I know that," he replied, his voice laced with a rising anger. "But after Ginny told me you snogged Vicky sodding Krum..."

"For the last time, Ron, it's Viktor! And we never snogged!" hissed Hermione. Ron's face changed from bottled, jealous anger to child-like surprise.

"You... you never snogged Krum?"

"No."

"Then why did Ginny say so?"

"I don't kno- oh."

"What? Go on, enlighten me."

"Well, after I told her I'd had a splendid time with Viktor - which I had, by the way - she simply assumed it was because we had, uh, you know."

"Snogged?"

"'Snogged' is such a crude word, I'd rather like it if you didn't use it. But essentially, yes, she thought we had, and I never tried to dissuade her."

"Why the bloody hell not?"

"Because it would get you jealous, you barbaric git! Don't you see, Ron? It was always about you!"

"Me?"

"Always you." A small part of Hermione objected because Viktor's advances on her were really quite flattering, and he was a nice man. He just wasn't Ron. Only this wasn't the time to dwell on insignificant details. "Always you and only you," she assured him.

"No Viktor Krum?"

"No Vikt- Ron! You called him Viktor!" Hermione's face lit up in a watery smile.

"Of course I did, Hermione. There's no point in being jealous of someone you didn't snog," grinned Ron, tentatively reaching up and placing a wild strand of bushy hair behind her ear. "I've wanted to do that for years," he laughed.

"You could have. I would never have objected," she answered truthfully.

"I think you would have, with a well placed hex too," he said. "You're downright intimidating, Hermione, when you want to be."

"And you're downright irritating, Ron, when you want to be," she said, rolling her eyes. A small smile tugged at her lips to show she was simply teasing. In some odd way, it was her way of flirting with him even if he had a girlfriend.

At that thought, Hermione sprang back.

"Lavender!"

"What? Where?" said Ron, looking frantically about.

"I meant..." Hermione swallowed with difficulty. "I meant..." She didn't know how to tell Ron what she had meant. "I meant to say no one told her you were here."

"Oh. If that's just it then..."

"Don't you care at all?" Hermione questioned in a small, unreproachful voice, hoping he didn't, no matter how wrong it was for her to think it.

"About her?" Ron asked. Hermione nodded and he sighed. "I suppose I should, but I don't, not really anyway. Not in the way I should." He sighed again. "I mean, I know you don't like her, with obvious reason, and Harry doesn't like her... Parvati doesn't not like me, she... she sees right through me, you know? Parvati knows I don't care for Lavender the way I should, but I don't know how to break it off. She's bloody irritating, that one."

"Then - then why did you start up a relationship with her in the first place, Ron?"

"Because of Ginny!"

"Because she said that I -oh dear, I can't believe I'm going to say it - that I snogged Viktor?"

"Yes!"

"Why does it matter that much, Ron?"

"You know what you said earlier? About it always being about me? Well... likewise."

"Oh."

"Oh is right," he said grimly. "I'd always thought - and no laughing - I'd always thought my first kiss would be with... with you, and vice versa." Pushing down the bubbling feeling of happiness that rose, she continued. She would get to the bottom of this tonight.

"So when you found out Viktor had kissed me..."

"Well, it didn't matter anymore, did it? Lavender had been flaunting herself at me since September - and maybe before that, I never really noticed - but I kept pushing her away, feeling things between us were finally starting to go in the direction I'd wanted for years." He sighed again, a sigh so defeated Hermione's heart wrenched painfully. "At the Yule Ball, when you came in with Viktor, well, it was like someone had stuck a knife in my heart. Then I heard you and Viktor snogged, and even if it happened two years ago, someone gave that knife a twist. I wanted to hurt you the way you had hurt me." He finished in the smallest of voices. "Pathetic, I know, not to mention childish."

"You're right. It was both pathetic and childish." He looked at her then as she scooted closer to him. She placed her hand on his chest, just above his heart. Euphoria filled her body as she felt his heart beat rapidly. Her palm tingled at the sensation. "But at least you know it was. You admitted it and I didn't even have to tell you! That, Ron, is the single, most mature thing I can remember you doing when it comes to you and me."

"Really?"

"Really."

"And that's a good thing, right?"

"Yes, Ron, that's a good thing," laughed Hermione softly, drumming her fingers on his chest.

"Ah! That tickles," he said as he grabbed her hand. Their eyes locked and he loosened his grip but didn't let go. She snapped out of it first and resumed talking, although she avoided his eyes.

"I wish you wouldn't doubt yourself so much. And you shouldn't have gotten all worked up about that first kiss."

"Why not?"

"I'd already gotten mine before I came to Hogwarts. My neighbour and I were rather curious after we saw his older brother kissing his girlfriend."

"So..."

"We kissed once, but he decided kissing girls was gross. He couldn't believe his brother did it for fun!"

"So even if you had kissed Viktor Krum, which you didn't..."

"Viktor wouldn't have been my first kiss."

"To think! All this time, I should have been angry with your neighbour, not an international Quidditch star. What was his name?"

"Merlin, I can't remember. We were so young, and they moved away soon after."

"I'm glad you came down tonight, as mad as it was," he admitted as his thumb hesitatingly stroked her palm. It almost distracted her from asking why it was mad for her to have come down.

"What do you mean, as mad as it was?"

"You obviously can't have been thinking straight when you decided to sneak here, because you don't have Harry's Invisibility Cloak and the Marauder's Map, as much as you - disapprove - how often we rely on it."

"Obviously I _was_ thinking straight, because I snuck down here without Harry's Invisibility Cloak and the Marauder's Map to see you," Hermione blushed.

"I promise, Hermione, I'll break things off with Lavender. And when I do..."

"Yes?"

"Could we - could we start over from where we were? Before the whole Lavender fiasco?"

"You know, I should really say no," said Hermione, pulling her hand away from his.

"Please say 'but', please tell me there's a 'but'."

"But I care about you too much to hold a grudge, Ron. And not... not as a friend."

"Oh." Ron's face mirrored his heartbroken state and he closed his eyes, nodding to himself that he should have known they wouldn't be friends after he deliberately set out to hurt Hermione.

"But as more than that," she finished bravely. Before she lost her mighty Gryffindor courage, she bent over and quickly pressed her lips to his freckled cheek. She sped out of the room before she could see him lift his hand to run his fingers over the spot her lips had touched, completely dazed.

She hadn't meant to say anything meaningful to him today. If anything, she had meant to give him the fright of his life for making her believe he was dead, for prancing around with _Lavender_, for breaking her heart. She had meant to go on with her life, pretending he didn't matter. And yet, when he called out her name, who was she to deny that she loved him?


End file.
